Rescuing Romance

I was fortunate to spend this past Saturday morning with some wonderful couples in my “Parenting Together” workshop. Being in the presence of their love and commitment, as well as their struggle and pain, was a truly beautiful experience for me.

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 I was reminded once again how earnest we are as parents…to learn, to grow, to get it right. Or at least as close as we can get to “right.”

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 We talked in the workshop about the importance of connecting with our partner on several different levels. There’s the important work of becoming a “team” and working to get on the same parenting page. When you come from different parenting styles and have different sets of values it can be a challenge to agree on how to approach parenting.  

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 Then there’s the importance of connecting as two people in love. When the kids are little, we often feel we’re busy down to every fraction of a second with parenting tasks…leaving very little time for ourselves and our partners.

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 It doesn’t have to be that way. Even in the craziest, whirlwind of a day there’s time for a slow dance in the kitchen.

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 My beloved husband is good to me in so, so many ways. One of my favorites is that when he sees I’m on autopilot….making dinner, managing homework, folding laundry while tossing out instructions to the rest of the family…..he’ll sometimes gently take my hand, bring me to him, and begin a silent slow dance.

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 At first I resist, feeling there’s too much to do….rushed….busy. But quickly I melt and let him rock me back and forth in the kitchen.

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 The kids roll their eyes, and look away. But I also see a big, sweet, happy smile spread across their faces. It feels good to see your parents in love. It feels safe. Like the world is good, and everything’s going to be alright.

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 Take time to show your love to each other, and let your kids see it. As their most important teachers, what better lesson can we offer than what love looks like, and how it feels in a room.

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 So, go forth and love each other. And if there are things in the way…which there are for all of us….do the work to shift it so the love can live there.